Herbs for Grief, Joy, and Everything In-Between
February is hitting kinda flat, don’t you think?
It’s purely marketing and creepy pink-and-red teddy bears. I’ve never cared for those novelty boxes of waxy chocolates, either. And the news these days doesn’t exactly scream “romance”...
But what I can appreciate is that the month of Valentine’s is all about “the heart”. What does that mean? Affection and desire, sure, but also grief, forgiveness, tenderness. Behind the marketing gloss and candy wrappers, the heart is a biological organ, one that registers love and loss in muscle, breath, and pain.
If you have lived through tragedy, you might recognize this sensation.
Recently, a coworker recently described their grief to me. It was chest pain. Literally. Not “heartache” as a vague poetic idea, but a tightening, aching, physical pressure in the body. It made it harder to breathe, harder to focus, harder to see anything beyond their recent loss.
Relief can be just as physical. After four years of not speaking following a disagreement, a friend returned to my life. Our reconnection and mutual forgiveness went beyond just feeling good mentally, it released something in my living tissue. There was this long-held tension that lifted, a weight I had been carrying without being fully aware of it. I could feel its sudden absence in the muscles all over my body.
The body responds to scrapes and coughs the same way it responds to emotional strain. It’s all the same basic hardware, after all: nerves, hormones, circulation, breath. Herbal traditions have long been wise to this.
Today, we’re going to touch on that continuity between mind and body. We can pair heart-focused plants with practices that help people notice what they feel and where they feel it.
Hawthorn
Hawthorn is a classic “heart” herb in Western herbalism, studied largely for its relationship to cardiovascular function and rich in antioxidant compounds. Hawthorn also has a reputation for supporting emotional steadiness, especially when someone feels tender or guarded. The intention is not to “numb” our feelings, but to support resilience while processing emotions.
Rose
Works in the opposite direction. Rose is not a fortification so much as a softening. The aromatic compounds in rose are used in perfumery and aromatherapy for mood ambience. Meanwhile, we can appreciate rose for relief of emotional tension, grief held in the chest, and states of heartbreak. Rose has a beautiful way of reminding the body that tenderness is not weakness. Pleasure and sorrow coexists without cancelling each other out.
Holy Basil
Or tulsi, is often discussed as an “adaptogen,” meaning it’s used in the context of stress adaptation: it helps you handle stress better. Modern research explores tulsi’s phytochemicals and its influence on stress-related pathways, including oxidative stress and inflammation markers. The honest takeaway for daily life is this: tulsi is a ritual herb. A warm cup lets us pause long enough to notice tension and relax.
Cacao
Rich in polyphenols. Cacao contains compounds that interact with the nervous system, including theobromine, which is kind of like caffeine but gentler. Practically, cacao intersects circulation, mood, and connection. Historically it’s a communal plant, offered in ceremony and shared spaces. It can be “heart-opening” in the least dramatic way possible: grounding, warming, and socially-oriented.
Damiana
Damiana is a sensual, mood-brightening herb. We associate it with desire and easing nerves. The science around damiana is still emerging, but its cultural role belongs to intimacy. Not just sex, but the broader capacity to feel pleasure, curiosity, and connection in the body.
A practical way to work with these herbs
…is to pair them with ritual and attention. When we cannot name what we feel, we can often locate it in the body. When we locate where we’re feeling a particular emotion, we can breathe into it. When we breathe, the emotion changes its shape.
You can create a small herbal Valentine’s ritual.
Make a simple tea or infusion with tulsi and rose. Munch or sip cacao mindfully, or choose a hawthorn tea as an evening wind-down. If damiana suits you, reserve it for a night when you want to connect with your body.
Where do you feel emotion in your body?
What are you shielding yourself from feeling?
If your heart could speak in plain language, what would it ask for?
Lastly, if you are struggling, especially if your emotions feel unsafe to explore on your own, consider working with a qualified health professional.
The world is heavy right now. Choosing to remain open and loving within it is brave, beautiful, and deeply human.
Works Referenced
Barsky AJ, et al. The relationship between emotional distress and physical symptoms. Psychosomatic Medicine, 1999.
Cohen MM. Tulsi Ocimum sanctum: A herb for all reasons. Journal of Ayurveda and Integrative Medicine, 2014.
Hongratanaworakit T. Relaxing effect of rose oil on humans. Natural Product Communications, 2009.
Neufingerl N, et al. Cocoa and cardiovascular health. Journal of Nutrition, 2013.Details cacao’s polyphenols and effects on circulation.
Porges SW. The polyvagal perspective. Biological Psychology, 2007.
Smit HJ et al. Theobromine and mood. Psychopharmacology, 2004.
van der Kolk B. The Body Keeps the Score. Viking, 2014.